I live inside my head
(A mundane monologue)
I am already late, shoot. If I leave in 5 mins, I still have a chance of reaching in time. Where’s my watch, I don’t know how I always lose it, I kept it on my table. Ah, there it is. Okay, I am all set to leave. I don’t want to have a conversation with my flatmates, they don’t particularly like me and I hate them. Anushtha, you can face them. I’ll just open the door and see if they’re there, okay, no one’s in the hall, I’ll just quickly run out. Wait, have I locked my room? Shit, another walk down the hall, Whyyy is my life so damn hard? I’ll just run by real quick. Oh great, no one in the hall, my room is locked. Why am I so paranoid when it comes to these things? Oh, those shoes will look really good, I’ll wear them for now. Oh shit, It’s already 6:50 and I have to be there by 7.. No way that is happening now anyway. I will tell her that there was really bad traffic. But by now she has de-coded that excuse as me not leaving on time but well, I can always just give that as an excuse, especially when you live in Bangalore. Where is my cab? The map shows it’s right here, well why can’t I find it? Ah, there it is. I think I need to chill a little in life. But like it’s already 7:15 and she has just reached. It’ll take me 30 mins to reach, Ughh, I hate being late always. Why can’t I be on time for once? I hate myself. Yes Sir, drive even slower than this, why would you drive past 40mph on a completely empty road? I wish I could fly and reach places, I bet I could manage to be on time then. Ah, this song is a good match for the way the wind is hitting my face. The trees sway with the rhythm my heart beats in, yes, that’s an excellent line, I’ll note it down so that I can write a poem out of it. I can add another line something along the lines of the cloud singing my song? Or something like that, I can think of it later, for now, I’ll just put it on my notes. How convenient technology has made everything, I can note all the beautiful sentences I stumble upon in that very minute. I lovee this song, I made him listen to this song as well. Does he think of me every time he listens to this song or am I just nonexistent at this point of his life? No No no, stop. You can’t again start thinking of him. But he hasn’t called me today, STOP. YOU CAN’T THINK ABOUT HIM. Wait, what time is it? It’s 7:45 already and it’ll take 10 more mins. Oh my god, I do hate myself. Should I ask the driver to drive fast? Will he get angry at me? I mean he shouldn’t, My God Anushtha, why are you always afraid of doing anything. You always are afraid of asking for something because you might get rejected. What’s the fuss about the fear of getting rejected? I already know but it still makes no sense. Oh, we’re here. Okay, I’ll just casually say hi with no guilt in my voice. Did I make the payment online? Yes yes. There she is. Remember Anushtha, smile and wave a guilt-free Hi, “heyyy, I am so sorry….” So much for a guilt-free hi Anushtha. Live outside of your head for once.